Hello all,
Today im going to talk about the symptoms of bipolar. The manic and depression symptoms. The symptoms are all different for each person. I know when im manic the first thing i do is to stay up late and i feel like kind of like a high feeling. I love staying up all night on the computer when im manic cause i dont feel like i need sleep. To me its very enjoyable. I also get racing thoughts and my mind is going a million times a second. Everything is running through my brain, i cant stop it. Its sometimes annoying cause you cant concentrate, but it feels great in another way. Also when im manic i tend to buy things that are expensive. My weakness is electronics and animals. I love both and the feeling i get when i buy these things is like amazing. I get such a high. I dont have to be on drugs. The downside is i have spent so much i was and am in so much debt. I have a really hard time with the shopping sprees when im manic. There are so many other symptoms that other people have but those are just mine.
Even though i spend when im manic i also spend when im depressed. When im depressed i spend alot of time on the computer and spend some money on the computer. I am now in over $2,000 in debt and im trying to find a way to get out of it. I have a few suggestions i just have to get to do them. One of them is to sell the stuff i have, which when im done my back surgery im going to do that. Another problem i have when im depressed is the isolating. I tend to isolate ALOT. I dont get out and enjoy life. I stay in bed all day, dont shower, dont eat, sleep all the time. Its a rough time i get when im depressed. I crash really bad after im manic. Meaning i go into a deep depression and i tend to thing thoughts about killing myself. I tend to think how would the world look if i wasnt here. I think that it would look great. Thats my thoughts. I know its very bad but its just the way it is.
Because i live in a group home, TLC, i am watched very carefully. They check my medications to see if im taking them, they check to see if im isolating, if im spending alot, and if im up all night. Those are the most serious symptoms that i have. The voices are there weather im depressed or manic. It just all depends how deep im in those two. But when it gets that bad, to the hospital i go. I have had ALOT of set backs and i try very hard each day to fight off being bipolar. It sometimes seems i just cant handle it and want to just give up. The "normal" people always seem so happy with life. I just cant see it yet. I really hope i can get there soon.
Ok enough writing for the day. I will get back to you. Next time im going to talk about medication and medication change. Thank you for reading this and keeping up to date. :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday March 22, 2011
When i was diagnosed, i was also hearing voices. I didnt know it then but that is common with people who have bipolar disorder. So my full diagnosis is Bipolar with Auditory Hallucinations. The voices i think are the worst. When i get my voices it is usually when im under ALOT of stress or when im not taking my medications, or when the medications stop working. When the voices start it sounds like im in a crowded room and everyone is talking at once. When it gets really really bad thats when one voice sticks out ( a male voice) and starts telling me to hurt myself. It has NEVER told me to hurt anyone else. When that one voice starts telling me to do that, i know i have to get some help, usually it means going to the hospital. Thats when they change my medications, or do something different with my routine. When im in the hospital im usually there for about at least 1 week. Its very difficult to be in a hospital but i know i have to be in there when things get bad.
When the voices start, i can keep them at bay usually with music and headphones. The headphones keep it quiet. I know it sounds odd but it does. If the voices get really loud i cant focus on ANYTHING. Its annoying to say the least. I feel like going insane when they get that bad. I hate when they get that bad. When i first started getting the voices, I didnt know what was going on and got real scared. I had NO CLUE what to do. Luckily i had some people there to help me and i ended up in the hospital to try to get rid of them. But let me tell you, it was no easy task. I say if i get them it usually takes up to about a week to get rid of them depending on how it is treated. If i get the 1 voice saying to hurt myself then it takes longer to get rid of. Its just the way it is i guess.
I guess this sounds horrible when you read it. Meaning it sounds like im "off my rocker" when i write these things but in all reality, it makes me understand my brain a little bit better. If that makes sense. I know when im under too much stress and i know when to get help now. Some people dont know when they are under too much stress until it is too late.
Thats it for now. The next post will be my symptoms of being in trouble. (its not just the voices). Thank you for reading. :)
When the voices start, i can keep them at bay usually with music and headphones. The headphones keep it quiet. I know it sounds odd but it does. If the voices get really loud i cant focus on ANYTHING. Its annoying to say the least. I feel like going insane when they get that bad. I hate when they get that bad. When i first started getting the voices, I didnt know what was going on and got real scared. I had NO CLUE what to do. Luckily i had some people there to help me and i ended up in the hospital to try to get rid of them. But let me tell you, it was no easy task. I say if i get them it usually takes up to about a week to get rid of them depending on how it is treated. If i get the 1 voice saying to hurt myself then it takes longer to get rid of. Its just the way it is i guess.
I guess this sounds horrible when you read it. Meaning it sounds like im "off my rocker" when i write these things but in all reality, it makes me understand my brain a little bit better. If that makes sense. I know when im under too much stress and i know when to get help now. Some people dont know when they are under too much stress until it is too late.
Thats it for now. The next post will be my symptoms of being in trouble. (its not just the voices). Thank you for reading. :)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
March 16th 2011 Introduction
Hello everyone,
My name is Tracey and I have Bipolar disorder. I am creating this blog for people to see how people who are diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder have to learn how to live. Although not all people who have Bipolar Disorder have the same symptoms, the same meds, or have to live the same way. Just like with people who don't have this, people with Bipolar Disorder are all different and unique in their own way. This is just MY account of living with Bipolar Disorder. I would like to educate more people about it, this is the main reason why im doing this blog.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 5 years ago. It has been a part of my life non stop for the past 5 years. I have come to live with the fact that i have a disorder. I am on SSD (also known as Social Security Disability). I have also gotten used to the fact that when someone asks me what i do for a living, i cant just say "I am unemployed right now". Many people keep up with the questions, so I just tell them "I'm on Disablity for Bipolar disorder". With that then i get weird looks and often questions about the disorder, or even comments like "Oh yea, so and so in my family has that". It has been common for alot of people to be diagnosed with this disorder.
Living with Bipolar has been a feat in itself. From the medication changes, to the questions you get asked every day. Because your not physically handicapped you often get the comment, "oh you don't look sick" A comment i have heard on more then one occasion. Its been a rough road to say in the least.
My name is Tracey and I have Bipolar disorder. I am creating this blog for people to see how people who are diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder have to learn how to live. Although not all people who have Bipolar Disorder have the same symptoms, the same meds, or have to live the same way. Just like with people who don't have this, people with Bipolar Disorder are all different and unique in their own way. This is just MY account of living with Bipolar Disorder. I would like to educate more people about it, this is the main reason why im doing this blog.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 5 years ago. It has been a part of my life non stop for the past 5 years. I have come to live with the fact that i have a disorder. I am on SSD (also known as Social Security Disability). I have also gotten used to the fact that when someone asks me what i do for a living, i cant just say "I am unemployed right now". Many people keep up with the questions, so I just tell them "I'm on Disablity for Bipolar disorder". With that then i get weird looks and often questions about the disorder, or even comments like "Oh yea, so and so in my family has that". It has been common for alot of people to be diagnosed with this disorder.
Living with Bipolar has been a feat in itself. From the medication changes, to the questions you get asked every day. Because your not physically handicapped you often get the comment, "oh you don't look sick" A comment i have heard on more then one occasion. Its been a rough road to say in the least.
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