Hi everyone. I havent written in here in a while. Sorry about that. Today i would like to explain to you how drugs affect my bipolar. I had already blogged about my dual diagnosis. (pain meds/bipolar). Well my pain med addiction affects my bipolar in different ways.
First, if affects the symptoms of bipolar pretty bad. Sometimes when a person is addicted to drugs, the symptoms mirror bipolar disorder. Thats why its hard for dr.s to diagnose bipolar if you are using drugs. First you have to have most of the symptoms that are associated with bipolar from the book of psychatry known as the DSMIV. Its a great big GIGANTIC book. All psychiatrist use it im sure or have a copy in their office.
The symptoms i get when i use the drugs are I get really manic OR really low and relaxed. (depending on the drug). I also can get very depressed and i tend to lie alot when im using. I get out of control when i use. I try to manipulate people to get what i want. And it usually works. My mind gets all jumbled and i stop taking my psych. meds. Its a rollercoaster of emotions.
To stop me from spinning out of control, my goal is to keep off the pain meds and to stay clean and keep on the psych meds. That is not to say i wont fall every once in a while. BUT thats not my intention to fall. I love being clean. But when the cravings come its soooooo hard to think straight and thats why i need the support and the people around me. I need to hang out with people that make me happy not upset. The control that drugs have over you is just amazing and horrible at the same time. I have never thought that i would become a drug addict. As for the bipolar if i stay on the straight and narrow i WILL become better at managing my life.
The withdrawls also produce a series of emotions that affect my bipolar. When i take the drugs i want to numb whats going on with me. When im going through the withdrawls, there is no way i can numb the "pain" or what im going through. The feelings come back ten fold when your expeirencing withdrawls. I will say i DO NOT want to go through those again. Its awful. I got sweaty, the shakes, i craved like you wouldnt believe, my emotions were all over the place. NEVER again do i want to go through that. I fly into a tailspin and its so hard for me to get back to "normal".
Thank you for reading this and if you think you have a drug problem please call someone you know or the drug abuse hotline. Have a great day!
